Bukharian Definitions Thesaurus
Business Related
Passive Income – Job as a Home Attendant.
$10,000 - $15,000 – Income Tax Bracket of a person who works on 47th Street but has a House (see definition)
House – Mansion anywhere from 108th street to 112th street in Forest Hills.
Panic Room – The room an owner of a House goes to when IRS agents knock on his door.
Medicaid – Medical insurance a husband gives his wife and children upon divorce because otherwise they don’t qualify.
Lexus, St. John’s University, Hair Laser Removal and Nose Job – Investments parents make for their 18-year-old daughters.
Lexus, St. John’s University, Hair Laser Removal and Nose Job – Investments parents make for their 18-year-old sons.
“Are you a pharmacist?” No, I’m Bukharian businessman. You do not have to be a pharmacist to hold a pharmacy or a doctor to have a medical office or a lawyer to own a law office. But you have to be Bukharian businessman.
Barber – every boy above the age of 18 and not in college.
Hairdresser – every girl above the age of 21, not in college and not a nurse.
Food
Fish – Carp. Fried. With garlic and parsley.
Branzino – Upscale fish.
Meal – anything eaten with bread. In absence of bread, it is called a snack.
Kazal Mangal – upscale restaurant.
Semechki – Snack eaten when bored. Or while having fun. When alone. Or in a company of friends. Increases positive endorphins while also part of the body you are sitting on while consuming it.
108th street – Shopping.
Jonam, choi mo! – Bukharian “I love you”
“Gereta” – Not a person everyone at the table is missing and keeps mentioning over a hundred time over and over again at every section of the ten course meal, but a mandatory gesture of politeness, not so much geared at whether or not you stuff the food into your mouth but mainly that it does not remain on your plate, God forbid!
A 10-course banquet dinner – Food no one eats but is expected to order for status purposes.
Envelope - that thing you use to put a gift when you are going to someone's birthday, bar/bat-mitzvah, wedding, funeral, etc. Also the thing the receiving party will later use to write down how much you gave, so that similar amount can be refunded at your own celebration. Not adjusted for inflation, so don't wait. Schedule your wedding today.
Other
Silence – the time after drinking of wine and before eating the bread at the Shabbat table. There is no other silence in the Bukharian life.
Florida/Arizona – A distant dream of every Bukharian soul.
Trips to Brooklyn – when you want all things non-kosher.
Trips to Queens – when you are going home.
Trips to Turkey – when your hair is balding and you need a transplant.
Trips to Kiev – Happy End!
Trips to China – Fixtures and building materials for your House at section 8 prices.
Witch – Mother-in-law
99% - divorce rate in Bukharian society
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday - available dates to schedule Bukharian weddings. Friday is Shabbat, Weekends - not enough envelopes.
