Thinking outloud
You know what really bugs you, what is really on your mind, keeping you up at night and choking at the dinner table? The real stuff you wanna talk about? Your kids, your teens, yes, your teenagers. Because let me tell you something, you know just as you are busy working from 9 to 5, they too are busy… they are busy creating problems, …. the problems called teenaging,….. or the process of being a teenager.
Because let me tell you, if you want to get the actual definition of what it is being a teenager, you will find that under the medical encyclopedia next to the definitions of all mental diagnosis. Bipolar. Psychotic. Passive. Aggressive. Passive Aggressive. Teenagers are EVERYTHING.
You know if you previously dealt with real shit like your own definition of teenaging being the lack of owning anything, so you want a car but you can’t afford one, so you sit feeling blue for a couple of days before you realize that you have to work real hard to get it or steal it, THAT shit was your problem. You had real hard core lack of shit problems and you’ve dealt with them in some hard core shitty fucking way.
No longer though. Teens today have it all and some more, so they kind of have to think outside the box for creating problems. So they do so with psychotic emotional shit.
They, get this, create diseases!
Like depression.
Why the fuck are all kids so depressed? It’s really NOT because they can’t afford a car or can’t figure ways to steal one. They have one and it comes with the driver! And it’s not cuz they ain’t got the latest gadget, more like the gadget’s charger died and life kind of ended for a second.
No… It’s really ‘cause if they spend all fucking day looking at their social media, instagram, facebook, my space, whatever the fuck, where every Joe, Dick and Harry is posting every fucking moment they take a piss or shit or swallow their girlfriend, they do so…. with a smile! A HAPPY ASS FUCKING SMILE!!!! Everyone is so happy, every filtered picture, every inscribed post, I AM HAPPY LIVING LIFE! I AM HAPPY TAKING A DUMP! I AM HAPPY CUZ WHEN MY GUY POPPED THE QUESTION I SAID I DO….NOT MIND HAVING A THREESOME! I AM HAPPY CUZ MY CAT DIGS ME. I AM HAPPY! Except for your sorry ass.
So your teen is sitting there in the dark room, listening to flume, while fingering his or her screen post after post, where everyone is happy and feels like the show Lonely and Afraid. Literally, they sit there lonely looking at a thousand people they follow and afraid they may lose a follower or a fucking string on their snapchat because their lives are sooooo typical and boring.. While all they see is happy faces, happy posts, happy, happy, happy… All the while they are miserable LONELY and AFRAID!
People eat a lemon or something before you post! You make it seem like your fucking life is so rosy and colorful, teens get depressed and develop a disease called depression. ‘Cuz they have a room where they can be alone, a screen from the latest iphone 10 and an ipod with their personal collection that plays music at their instant whim for every emotion they are experiencing, and a whole bunch of friends they follow so they can sit in the dark and feel sorry for their sorry ass, feeling depressed!
In reality, though being depressed is part of being a teen these days, ‘cuz imagine, if you are in a room full of teens, where every 15 year old Amber, Denise, Robert and Alex are walking around like the cast from the Walking Dead, all slouching, with hair, long fucking hair, like the bush growing from the head down to in-between their eyes, and as they are walking around, bumping into walls ‘cause they can’t see shit, all sad and shit, unable to see the light of day with darkness upon their sorry asses, all looking at other people’s happy rosy and colorful posts on social media and there you are suddenly like a comical fuck showing a smile and not only are your eyes open ‘cuz you ain’t got hair covering that shit up, but there is a glimpse of happiness inside them, yo – you are a fucking standout, and that, as our president would call it is WRONG.
So you gotta fit in and act like the depressed fuck or you are shit out of luck for getting into the popular crowd of sorry ass dumb fucks. So you create your own diagnosis of my life sucks and you act on it.
I mean like I used to think slit wrists happened ‘cuz there was so much numbness in life that teens had to cut themselves to make sure they are real, …. no, pinching won’t do, you have to slit the wrists using the proper tools and all that jazz. But now I get it! If you are in the room with all the sorry ass teens that have their wrists slit and they wear them like proud decoration of rite of passage and you ain’t got that shit, what the fuck is wrong with you? You have got to fit in! Slit the shit!
Yeah, teens create diseases. And we eat it up.
The American Association of Psychologists actually changed the definition of teen addictions. It so turns out, they too are now called diseases. Yes, diseases. Let me repeat it again for you. Addictions are now defined as diseases. Like you live all your life until you are sixteen and realize you’ve caught… an addiction… to heroin. Oops, must have been my friend sneezing next to me on the bus. So an addiction is now a disease that you can accidentally pick up on the line to the movies or ingest from your girlfriends’ French kiss. You no longer develop it with your own two idiotic hands, mouth, nose or vein or whatever the fuck that tickles your pickle but you do so because you are a sorry depressed little fuck that needed to smoke cigarettes for your panic anxieties, smoke weed to calm your psychotic nerves, drink and inhale shit to either keep yourself balanced, sedated or medicated ‘cuz you are too fucking upset, hated, loved, sad, or as the American Association of Psychologists now medically diagnose it - DEPRESSED.
The good thing is that as the wise King Solomon said: “This too shall pass” and the hopeful outlook on the future is that too shall pass as the temporary idiosyncricity of teenaging or the process of being a teenager. So, I leave you with two thoughts: 1) if your teen is feeling depressed sitting in his room, watching the happy world on his Instagram, remind him that behind every rosy and colorful post there is another sorry dumb fuck sitting in his room and feeling just as utterly depressed as your child. There are no miracles. No one is happy around the clock, but behold the power of selective posts of individual moments that happen as rarely as yours, and if you see the hot blond model kissing your friend - I got news for you, that shit is called photoshop. Bitch ain’t real.
And 2) while your little dumb fuck is feeling lonely and afraid, trying to fit in among the wrists slitting other depressed little fucks, remind him that while that feeling is temporary and that too shall pass, addictions are there to stay. Make your own choices.
