Unlocking a Woman's Heart

She almost gave up at the notion of having a child. Actually, as she would later attest, she gave up the idea altogether; got her body in shape with various “procedures”, invested in a hot studio apartment in downtown Manhattan and told her boss she did not mind traveling over 50% for work. But then again that is how she met “him”, in one of such travels, with the new body, and with a NYC apartment at her disposal. The one who changed everything.

He wasn’t exactly her type. No, no, he wasn’t ugly. Quite the contrary. He wasn’t her type only because even in her wildest aspirations, she could have never imagined being his. In fact, he was every woman’s type: tall, beautifully built, gorgeous, and smart with those smiling glittering sad eyes that have a way of telling you - you are the only star in his universe, the sexiest, smartest, coolest and most unique woman. And that is who she was, his eyes and his lips said until he said much more.

“I love you Maria.” he told her one night, as they returned from the restaurant, drunk and cheerful as he asked her to skip coffee at the restaurant to a dessert in bed. They made love at the door, as she hurried to take the key out but couldn’t, all too anxious to return his passionate kisses, while he smeared her wet excitement all over his fingers. He turned her around and entered her quickly and deliberately, and when the last thrust of him inside her was over and she stood half satisfied and craving more, he looked at her gently and whispered softly: “I love you Maria.” She laughed it off casually, trying not to appear too moved by the words and their meaning, but inside, oh, inside - that is where the electrons began to make magic. Her heart began to skip beats, closing and opening all too excitedly, sending complicated impulses into the brain, screaming of happiness and hysteria.

She was clearly beyond any feeling of contentment previously experienced or within an ability for comprehension and definition through the use of her past. No, this was unlike anything she had ever felt before. This was something totally new and it made her beam with joy. It was as though she had finally discovered the elixir of youth and immortality. He was the hottest, sexiest, smartest man alive and he had just told her he loves her. It wasn’t just a 3 or a 4, she had imagined she would settle for, finding escape in quiet mornings of him reading a newspaper and her running the household of her children. No, this guy was a 10 with mornings being hotter than pancakes they would put out in some silly exotic black laced triple X aprons underneath their naked bodies, because in their household, clothes had no place. Neither a fucking newspaper.

This wasn’t just a conveniently overstayed one night stand. It was a real relationship. She was the happiest woman on Earth.

And then, when she thought that she had just discovered happiness, she realized she hasn’t even scraped the surface. “I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. That’s of course if you want that too.” He said to her, one after another, like flowers someone gives or a birthday card or a cake that keep coming one after another from a line of guests huddling in a doorway on a birthday, making the birthday person’s facial muscles hurt from intensity and frequency. She began to hyperventilate. It was just too much, too quickly and all from the one, the only one she ever loved this God-damn much. Oh my Goodness, is this really possible? How did she get so lucky, she thought. Don’t question it, just take it, you deserve it - she answered herself and fell asleep in his embrace, the most peaceful sleep she ever had.

There will be children. Lots of them, she thought. With a guy like this, a woman would be crazy not to have at least an army or a football team. Ah, all those gorgeous boys and girls - all within the love and warmth of such loving parents so deeply in love! She felt so touched she couldn’t stop the tears. The tears of happiness. The happiness she deserved. So what if she were not a 10 like he was. He chose her, nevertheless. She is a good person. Looks aren’t everything. He loves her and……

“I want to marry you right now!” He said when they woke up and for a second she wondered if he still felt the same as the night before. She fired up and lowered her eyes, blushing. Instantly she felt wet everywhere, especially in her heart. It was bleeding with love, unparalleled love that makes people do stupid things. She wanted to do something, anything, drastic, wild, crazy and big to prove just how much she deserved to have his love, to be his. She looked at him with a big smile she couldn’t shake off. “But the problem is,” he continued, looking at her with those beautiful sad eyes, “I don’t have the money for us right now, nor a ring.”

She almost stopped herself from saying she did not need any of it. Just a private little thing for the two of them, hey, fuck the wedding altogether, let’s just do Vegas! Instead she nodded. And waited. “Gosh, I wish I were a bank robber or something.” He said grabbing his hair in contempt. “You deserve a guy who can give you so much.” He said. “But I am just an honest blue-collar worker, who doesn’t have enough for your dream.”

Oh boy, what did he say? Her heart couldn’t take it. This was beyond anything she ever expected out of love. And people said it only existed in stupid Sydney Sheldon’s novels. She took his head to her bosom, ran her finger as softly as she could, putting in all of her feelings of love and whispered into his ear: “Baby, I don’t care about that. I take my honest blue-collar worker ahead of anyone!” He looked at her with so much feeling she drowned in his gaze. “And this is why I choose you over any woman on Earth.” He said. They made love again. Then again because she just couldn’t get enough. When he finally began to dress up to go to work, she watched him, her head propped up on the palm of her hand. His ripped body, long slender neck, jawline covered with thinly shaped beard. Big juicy lips that did such amazing things to her. How is this man possible? How was this relationship here? How is she so lucky!!!! She couldn’t stop smiling.

He looked at her again for some time. “I wanted to ask you, but I feel so bad…” She bulged her eyes out. “Baby, anything! You know you can ask me anything.”

He was quiet for a while. “It’s just that.” He waived his hand dismissively. “Ah, never mind. I can’t. It’s just too embarrassing. Please forget I ever asked.”

Maria got up. “No love.” she said seriously. “You must tell me. Otherwise I won’t be able to go on today. If something bothers you, then it bothers me too.”

He made a face that seemed to indicate him being full in thought. She patiently waited.

“I’ve heard of this investment,” he said, “where apparently I can double my money. I need $20,000 for thirty days.” He stopped, then looked at her and instantly added: “There, I said it. Now, please forget it. I won’t accept your money if you are naive enough to lend it.” He continued so she wouldn’t interrupt. “You work hard for your money, you are constantly flying around the work, working crazy hours, so do not for a second think I will let you do this. There is risk involved and I’d rather find someone else to give me the seed money.”

Maria couldn’t think with her mind, without her heart jumping in the middle of things. She had a whole lot of money. Heck, she could have even lend him the money to buy her the ring. But he did not want that, he told her. She had the money but she had nothing else without him. He was her everything. And if she couldn’t be the one to give him this fresh money start, then what if someone else would, someone other than her. What if it would be another woman? Even if it were another man, she would have missed an opportunity of showing him, how much happiness he was bringing her and how she longed to reciprocate the feelings.

“I want to give you the money.” She said.

He raised his hand no. But she went on begging and telling him how much this was making her happy. Finally, he gave in and accepted. “$20,000 that I will double within a month.” He said and left.

And then the test began. At first, when he failed to show up for several days in a row, she began to have a nagging feeling that something was wrong. And when he stopped picking up the phone, she was convinced that all of her fears came true. She knew all along that he was a charlatan, playing her for money, that love as they had did not exist in real life and that men like him did not love women like her no matter what. She cried herself to sleep every night, right after getting herself wasted on alcohol and cigarettes, playing sad songs about betrayal and running every conversation, every encounter, every rendezvous they ever had, over and over in her mind with an attempt to detect his lies. But she could not. He seemed so sincere. Everything he said to her was for her ears and her ears only. It could not fit any other woman. It could not have been a major prelude to a con artist’s grand scheme. Oh how could she be so blind and naive. But didn’t he care? Didn’t he feel bad about taking her money? Made her convince him for almost twenty minutes that it’s okay. Why would he do that? If it didn’t matter to him in the end, why would he waste so much time on this? Because his conscience was feeling guilty and he needed you to convince him otherwise, her brain responded with bitterness. And she would suffer in silence on a wet pillow, nauseous from the wine and empty from the awful betrayal. Slowly she was working herself up to taking him to court. Another week and that’s that, she kept telling herself. But deep down the brain was paving the road to the heart to tell it that the reason she was stolling is that she had no idea who he really was and where to find him. “Was this all a lie?” The heart asked in a small dejected forever saddened female voice. “Yes!” The brain shouted back, sounding like an old grumpy grandfather. “Wake the fuck up!”

Until one day. Some time in the second week of his disappearance, it happened. He finally uttered a word, a proof of life, through a text. “Sorry darling, I have a nightmare that I am trying to put behind us. Putting out many fires to soon be with you. Please have faith. I love you more than ever before!”

And just like that, all the fears were put in place and shut down. He loved her, exclamation point. More than ever before, at that! Of course, he was in some predicament. Poor thing. She finally went to sleep that night with a smile, the smile that lasted for a few more days until the brain once again meddled into the picture. You are a thirty plus year old woman, idiot! If you are ever in a predicament, it’s not like you are in it 24/7! You can still find the time to call. Send a God-damn text. And here she was day 18-19, with not as much as a hello after his one and only text. He did say have faith. But that, was not attached to any fucking calendar nor a deadline. And Maria began to quickly go back to the wet pillows, packs of cigarettes, empty wine bottles and now a newly discovered feeling, anxiety.

Thirty days since he took the money, he appeared in her doorway, the same doorway that she hated now for it was there where she lost her vigilance, her mind and the money at his cheap “I love you”. She opened the door thinking it was someone she was waiting for and almost dropped to the floor. There he stood, gorgeous and present. Present like a gift. And present both physically and mentally for he literally seemed to know exactly what she felt. He dropped to his knees and cried with her for a long time, holding her and so desperate, she felt no choice but to forgive. “Where were you?” She cried into his chest, forgiving but not able to forget, for the pain twisting her insides was too fresh and strong. He cried in response, uttering some difficult to understand mumbling with more I love yous and kisses as though she were his air and he was floating in space with a crack in his oxygen tank. She admired how much he missed her, how desperate he was for her love and warmth and tried to explain his absence with many excuses. Suddenly, he straightened up and told her: “Maria, I am so sorry, I couldn’t double the money. I lost it all.” He said. Instantly, she saw right through him, her brain triumphantly riding the high horse and waving at her the flag with “stupid” on it. He was indeed a liar and a cheat. He stole her money but wanted to get suspicion off of his name and hence arrived here to make sure he was off the hook and she didn’t make charges. Maria was growing furious with every second. Just as she was about say what she thought, he took out a big pile of bills from his pocket and handed it back to her. “This is your $20k back.”he said to her. “I worked three jobs to get it back. That’s why you haven’t seen me around. But I am sorry I couldn’t double it, baby. Those people turned out to be liars and con artists.”

Maria couldn’t utter a word. She was rendered speechless and unable to think. Everything she thought of him was the opposite. He was honest and hard-working and mindful. He did not want her to lose the money, and he loved her so so much! She tried to connect more dots as the brain kept insisting that something wasn’t adding up, but the heart dropped it, that heart that ran wild and wanted like never before to believe in love, that kind of love that they had between them. She also wanted to prove her own love to him. She wanted to smother him with it and warmth and giving, for he was once again making her feel like the happiest woman on the planet. She worked three jobs to return the money back to her! Heck, his presence with her was so much more important that this money!

“Baby, why don’t I give you a gift of at least $10,000?” She said. “I insist. Take your time with it. Find a way to invest it elsewhere. Make strides with it. And if you don’t, I will not be sad. I want you to have this money. It is a gift. I am so overwhelmed with love for you, an appreciation of what an honest and beautiful person you are!” They smiled, made love again and he accepted the gift. “Let’s make children.” She said. But he kissed her forehead lovingly and put on a condom. “You know how I feel about kids out of wedlock, baby. First, I buy you the ring and we get married. Tomorrow morning you will have it all!” Maria silently thanked the Lord, with the aspirations for the near future overcoming her. She fell asleep but when she awoke, she never saw him again. Never heard from him, not a word, not a call, not a nothing.

It took Maria almost a whole year to get over the break up, while the heart insisted her lover disappeared, probably killed by some maniac hating on successful men, while her brain waving the flag “stupid” shouted that the guy squeezed her for a $10 gees and bounced for bigger and greater things. Until one party, where she went because her friends insisted it was good for her, where she saw him again. He acted as though it wasn’t him and even when she approached him, got introduced to her, he used a different name and even a different accent. She finally began to think that maybe it was indeed somebody else, until she decided to speak with some friends.

“Isn’t he a hot hunk?” a friend of a friend said, sipping on a cocktail and looking at the tall, slender, hottest man in the room. “He is getting me a ring tomorrow.” Maria jumped and tensed up. She asked the woman. “Are you buying the ring yourself? The woman chuckled. All the friends around her shook heads. When the party was over, the woman came by Maria and whispered into her ear. “Did he tell you that I am?” She asked. Maria looked confused, so the woman continued. “How did you know I am buying the ring for him? Did he tell you himself? He is very embarrassed about it.”

Maria nodded slowly. “He did tell me.” She said and added: “He told me that a year ago, for my ring, on our engagement.”